Paperwork Hell
by Xnasha Minstrel
Summary: Tsuna decides that enough is enough. His own Guardians and the whole mafia can do their own bloody paperwork from now on. Let them have a taste of his hell...OOC Most Everyone.


"Alright, everyone. This has gone on long enough." Tsuna rubbed his aching temples.

_Oh, I need to get more aspirin..._again...

"I've been signing your repair bills for years now. I can't take it anymore! It's shaving years off of _my _life!" The brunet threw his hands up in a motion of consternation. "You're all signing your own god damn paperwork from now on! And to ensure that you actually do it..."

Tsuna turned to a brand new whiteboard on the wall. "Every time you cause a certain dollar amount of damage, you will put a mark beside your name. Don't try to get out of it. The paperwork would for it would come onto my desk. _I will know._"

The unruly Guardians of his inner circle shivered at the same time. That voice belonged to Yandere!Tsuna, that did.

Yandere!Tsuna was not to be messed with. _Ever._

The brunet continued. "You will then proceed to fill out the paperwork. Do it or face the _consequences_." Tsuna's smile was anything but saintly, with a shadowy lion's maw dripping with blood roaring behind him. "Skipping out on you paperwork is strictly _prohibited_."

Lambo fainted and fell sideways into Gokudera's lap. The right-hand man was too torn between screaming in fear or banging his forehead repeatedly in dogeza to pay much attention to the blissfully unconscious Lightning Guardian. Most of the rest of them had gathered behind Hibari, using the carnivore (who wasn't feeling very carnivorous at the moment.) as a meat shield.

Heck, even Mukuro was ducking behind him in the hopes that Tsuna wouldn't kill his boyfriend and by extension, him. Hibari didn't fault him for once. He would probably do the same thing if he was in the same situation.

"And don't you think any of you can escape this. In fact, take heart. You are not the only ones being cast into my own personal hell. The Varia and the rest of the Vongola Alliance shall suffer as well; let's see that bastard remodel the whole city of Milan like he threatens to now..." The boss cackled, the maw of the bloody lion behind him opening even wider. "The person with the least marks will be exempt from..._consequences." _Ryohei whimpered just a little bit more as he tried to curl up even smaller. "And the people who cross the line..."

The smile on Tsuna's face grew even brighter, as the aura around him grew even more oppressive. "...shall feel my..._displeasure._"

At this point, they were all huddled around each other, trying not to get blasted with yandere rays.

"Well, good luck everyone! Try not to beak anything! For your own sake." They all hightailed it out of there, Yamamoto dragging along a knocked out Lambo.

(That lucky little cow bastard, Hibari thought.)

* * *

><p>It's day five of Paperwork Hell, and already all of the were feeling the effects.<p>

Gokudera had three marks beside his name already, and had stayed up until four in the morning every single day to finish the horrifying piles of paperwork that resulted from it.

That was nothing compared to Ryohei's five, or Hibari and Mukuro's who both stood even at nine marks apiece.

Sweet Hibird, and he thought his Foundation paperwork was bad.

From the anguished video calls they've been getting, it seemed like the Varia was suffering too. Squalo, Belphegor, and Lussuria all sounded near to tears, and Levi looked soulless and half-dead. Fran was, _the horror of all horrors,_ hyperactive, which apparently meant that he was absolutely terrified.

Xanxus had black bags under his red eyes. Even _he_ was not exempt from the shadow of the Bloody Lion.

For Namimori's sake, not even the _Millefiore_ were spared. Byakuran was dying over his pile, high off a bunch of marshmallows and denying reality.

* * *

><p>"Oh for the love of Luce, I knew it was bad. I didn't know that history would repeat itself in this way either." Reborn shivered as the flashbacks of a paperwork-mad Luce occupied the forefront of his mind. As a collective whole, the former Arcobaleno all shuddered and huddled together in an attempt to block those horrible, horrible memories.<p>

Luce's cookies were usually heavenly, but when she went paperwork-mad, they became hellish.

It wasn't the fact that they were poisoned or anything, like how Bianci made hers.

It was the fact that she would shove them down the throats of whoever had incurred her numerous piles of paperwork, with a beautifully serene smile on her face as she force-fed her unfortunate victims deliciously baked treats. That may not sound as bad as it really was, but most of them had sworn off baked goods for life after a few of these incidents.

Reborn titled his fedora, hiding his eyes. "Coconut."

"Chocolate chip," Verde whimpered. "_Chocolate chip._"

Fon patted the scientist on the back. "There, there. Take heart and be glad; it could have been worse. At least you got something good. She gave me..." The Storm Arcobaleno also whimpered, his eyes misted over with terrifying flashbacks. "..._raisin oatmeal._"

The rest of them could only sigh in agonized sympathy and hoped that the deities would intervene somehow.

* * *

><p>"This is getting out of hand," The head of the Mafia Against Paperwork Alliance said as she put the tablet showing various screenshots of a cackling Tsuna onto the center of the table. Yuni drew herself to her full height, which was about mid-chest height for most everyone in the room. "Something must be done."<p>

"Yuni-chan, while that's true, what are we going to do about it?" Byakuran said despairingly as he stuffed his face with more marshmallows.

"Byakuran-sama, please restrain yourself! Your doctor has already expressed concern for your blood sugar levels!" Kikyou said.

"I don't care anymore! I'm denying reality! Let me and my marshmallows alone! If I get diabetes I'll just use medical technology from that one world to cure myself! Anything but the evil pieces of paper!"

Meanwhile, the Guardians and their assorted allies were deep into their own discussion of their miseries.

"It's bad. It's really, really bad. Do you know what I found in my dream world the other day? A stack of paperwork. _Multiplying_ paperwork. It's starting to invade my dreams! _I'm starting to use illusions of paperwork to kill my enemies!_" Mukuro buried his face into his hands.

"That's...kinda extreme, actually. How'd you manage that?" Ryohei asked.

Mukuro looked at all of them with dull eyes. "By _crushing _them."

They all shuddered, imagining horrible, gory deaths under piles of paper.

"...that's bloody terrifying, that is." Gokudera said as he chain-smoked his third pack of cigarettes.

"TeachercanyounotmentionthatwordthatstartswithP-"

"Oi, skylark, can't you do something to stop that psychotic boyfriend mafia don of yours?"Xanxus asked as he nursed an entire bottle of whiskey. The rest of the Varia were curled up in another corner of the room with the Shimon and were all sobbing together. Nothing more needed to be said.

Hibari pinned him with a glare, and then sighed. "I may be a carnivore, vandal, but I'm not suicidal. Unless _you _want to do something about it, shut up or I'll bite you to the death."

With a clap of her hands and a slightly strained smile, Yuni eventually regained control over the meeting. "To help everyone calm down, I decided to bake some cookies to share with everyone!"

The Arcobaleno paled.

Lal cleared her throat. "Ah, Yuni, what flavour are they?" She asked.

Yuni looked down at the basket. "Let's see...I've brought...coconut, chocolate chip, and raisin oatmeal cookies." And then she smiled some more.

The meeting officially ended when most the Arcobaleno got sick all over the carpets.

"It's going to cost us to get this carpet cleaned..."Mammon said, examining the high-quality fibers. "...which means more paperwork."

Skull responded to that by being even more violently sick.

"..._Coconut._" Reborn swiped the whiskey bottle out of Xanxus's hands and chugged it.

_Suppress. Suppress at all costs!_

In the end, nothing got solved.

* * *

><p>"Ahhh...finally. Peace, quiet, and zero interruptions." Tsuna's smile this time was genuinely happy, throwing off sparkles and flowers. "No paperwork either." The sparkles intensified. If there was a another person in the room, he or she would have been blinded with the pure happiness the man was radiating. "Time to finish my shows. I wonder if Maria got together with Antonio?"<p>

Yes folks, that is the true reason why the Vongola Decimo plunged the mafia world into Paperwork Hell.

_I just wanted to finish my bloody soaps! Is that too much to ask for?..._

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Ahaha I had no idea where I was going with this. But the characters were all OOC anyways, so what the heck. Did anyone get the In Flight reference? <strong>

**Drop a review for the starving author?**


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